Exit
by PearlyJammer
Summary: There is Nothing Left to Lose


Title: Exit

Author: Autumn 

E-mail: dyslexic_crisco_penguin_fiend@hotmail.com 

Disclaimer:  I own no characters and the song 'Exit' belongs to the marvelous U2. 

Summary: None available. 

Category: ANGST, big time. 

Author's Notes:  I don't know why I wrote this, I'm actually in a really, really good mood!

You know he found the cure………but then he went astray

He used to stay awake to drive the dreams he had away

He wanted to believe

In the hands of love

The hands of love

            A desperate man slumped to the ground, too beaten down by life to try and change his circumstances.  The inevitable was at hand, and nothing would change that.  Attempting to alter that would only result in more heartbreak and pain.  He knew that now. He'd learned his lesson and was a good little soldier now.  The one they'd made him to be.  The one that had killed every trace of humanity that had managed to survive fifteen rugged years.  

            The man had been revived for a brief period of time, but had since then been taken out of contention and almost forgotten.  The lingering proof of his humanity was a thousand miles away, too far to save him now.  Even from himself.  Especially from himself. Her name was like a holy benediction, one that had helped him survive. He felt he could live through anything so long as he would live another day to breathe her name.  

            It had been too long since his speech had failed him.  The words that came forth were rusty and bitter, and not fitting to utter her name anymore. There was no hope, there was nothing to live for and there was nothing left to loose.    

His head felt heavy as he cut across the land

A dog started crying

Like a broken hearted man

At the howling wind

The howling wind 

            He'd set out to recover what had been taken from him in Canada.  A last name, a birthday, his origins and his identity.  Arriving at the compound had been a simple task, one lacking in anything unusual or in ordinary at all.  His mind conjured up alls sorts of scenarios.  Armed guards waiting in ambush to recapture him.  A hole in the ground where the facilities had once been.  Absolutely no proof that there had ever been a military base there.  

            In the end none of these self-made prophecies amounted to anything.  They never needed too.  The truth itself was much simpler and much worse than any work of the imagination could ever produce.  

            He'd been a killer of the innocent.  A machine programmed to destroy women and children who stood in the way of political gain.  And he'd liked it.  He got off on it.  Destruction and murder had fueled his sex drive.  Blood lust had been his sole desire.  Cuban refugees, Jewish prisoners, Catholic nuns, the people of El Salvador. The list of casualties was endless and his efficiency unmatched.  

            "Weapon X responds positively only when in the line of duty. Outside of said parameters he lacks the ability to function in normal life," read the comment section in his psychological profile.        

            Logan read his own history in utter disgust and contempt at his own actions.  He'd been brainwashed to commit such atrocities, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do it of his own free will.  He recognized in himself the satisfaction of beating the opponent, his blood on his own hands.  Showing his dominance, and superiority over weaker beings.  Hard as it was to accept, everything in that file had some measure of truth in it.

He went deeper into black……

Deeper into white…….he could see

The stars shine

Like nails in the night

He felt the healing

Healing, healing, healing

Hands of love

Like the stars shiny, shiny…..

From above

            He'd immediately torched the file.  As if that helped.  The memory of what he'd read was already burned deep into his brain. Any possibility of returning to the mansion after this became void.  None of them deserved to know what he'd been like, and none could be told.  Especially not her. He'd be long since buried before she knew what he'd done.  He couldn't lie to her, and he couldn't tell her the truth.  There was only one way out. 

            Logan returned with grim determination to the town closest to the base.  He'd secured all the supplies he'd need from the local pawnshop, hardware store and sporting goods store.  He allowed himself three days to prepare himself and to fully scout the area of the compound. The fourth day was spent composing a letter and trying to come up with the words he needed her to believe.  He's briefly returned to town to await nightfall.  

            Stealing out of his hotel room he squared his shoulders and set his sights on an act of contrition that would attempt to heal several lifetimes filled with unspeakable sin and pain.    

He put his hand in the pocket

His finger on the steel

The pistol weighed heavy

Hid heart  he could feel

Was beating, beating

Beating, beating oh my love

Oh my love, oh my love

Oh my love

            A strange sort of peace settled on him as he approached his target.  Due to his enhanced vision, he was easily able to pick out the spot he'd marked three days before.  He slumped to the ground and stared up at the sky as if seeing it for the first time. 

            The brightest star in the sky was actually the planet Venus, and it reminded Logan of Marie.  The light that emanated from it was pure and benign, unlike the malevolent glow from Mars.  Two planets existing in the same sky didn't sit right with Logan.  He didn't believe the red planet was worthy to share the stratosphere with the planet identified with love.  A warrior and a goddess had no chance to cohabitate safely.     

            Over time, Logan had come to understand he loved Marie.  But as with the astrological arrangement, it wasn't meant to be.  He knew his return would jeopardize her life, happiness and vitality.  He wasn't willing to do it.  He'd never been in love before, but he knew he loved Marie enough to destroy himself, and for him that was all that was relevant.               Rising to his feet, he took a final look at the surrounding area.  A wilderness infected with the poison of mankind forced onto it.  The low black building was like a festering wound, which needed to be removed.  

            Walking to the center of the structure, he ignored the stench and turned to face the little 'T' in the middle of the room.  Whispering a final 'Marie' he pushed down.  

The impact of the explosion was felt for miles. 

He saw the hands that build

Could also pull down……….

The hands of love


End file.
